AH HA! Moments

As I continue to grow, read, make mistakes, and have successes, I keep having those AH HA moments.
I am currently reading a book “I know I’m in There Somewhere” and it is hitting so close to home it’s frightening.
As I chronicle my current musings and past journeys, one topic that keeps surfacing is change. What is this “change” all about? Is it a desire to change who I am, behaviors, or how I view myself? My primary quest is to change how I see myself with a hope to just be a better person than I was the day before.
This book addresses the topic of pressure put on women to practically be super-human and live a life of “perfectionism”.  (I would argue it’s not just women though.) I am a professional woman. Over these last couple of decades I have traveled for a living, gotten my masters degree, been a wife, a stepmother, a daughter, etc. I have tried to play many roles and juggled many priorities:
Keep everything in order (house clean, meals planned and prepared, groceries stocked, bills paid, laundry done, etc.) and still be able to relax and just enjoy the weekend.
Have the body of a 20 year old but party like a rock star.
Be financially responsible but spontaneously jump on a plane and go to the Bahamas.
Be naturally beautiful but don’t go without make-up or nail polish and don’t just pull your hair back.
Be financially independent and have a retirement plan but be emotionally and relationally available at any time.
In addition, always manage emotions and feelings, don’t be too sensitive, don’t take everything so personally, and for goodness sake don’t be hormonal.
I was exhausted and when I failed, I set out to figure out what I did wrong and how I needed to improve.
I suspect that I may not be alone. That we may all be trying to be too much and fit someone’s or society’s definition of ideal. When we don’t measure up, we are beating ourselves up unnecessarily instead of seeking inner peace and happiness.

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