Am I Sleepwalking Through Life?

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“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” – Wayne Gretzky.  Love that…it is simple, to the point but yet holds so much meaning and applies to every aspect of life.  So I talk often of dreaming big and going after your dreams but when I Am Body Proud sent me the following tweet almost 2 weeks ago, I couldn’t answer.

My ultimate dream?  It’s simple in my mind…I want to live a happy fulfilling life being me.  I guess that is it…my mission statement.  That is my starting point in life right here and right now.  There have been many events that have lead to this point and the truth is that without those events, without those years, I wouldn’t know how important that mission statement is to me.

live life to fullest

When I evaluate my day-to-day “existence”, I am very pleased with the life I live.  I listen to a song often, So Far Away by Staind, and it describes how I feel right now.
“I think I’m doing okay
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before”

Is it what I want a couple of years from now? No! I love so much about my life and am thankful for it every day but No!  This won’t be good 5 years from now.  No! I do not want to get to the end and ask, “Is that all there was?”

So there you go…what is my ultimate dream and what risks am I taking to get there?  My first thought was none but that is not true.  I do take risks that make me face some of my fears.  Mine just happen to be ones others might consider to be insignificant.  They are all steps to leading a life I want to live.  They all are part of letting go of what others think, being me, and leading a fulfilling life.  Minor as that are: I take my big 6-pack fitness lunch bag to work every day.  I hear some comments about how I eat and “almost never” would be the answer as to how much I care any more.  I go into social situations where I know I am going to have to make small talk.  For those that know me…that’s a giant step, am I right?  I speak more freely.  The key word is “more”.  Sometimes this leads to great laughter…”Don’t be whining like a bitch” and sometimes I think, “Wow, I should not have said that.”  (I bet those that know me can confirm that too.)  Starting a blog was a huge risk and telling people was an even bigger one.

live out loud

Some things I am working through may seem small but risks they still are:

I was asked to post my 1-rep max numbers on the board at the gym.  My numbers are so much lower than any other girl’s there.  For 2 months, I have said “Please, no” (shaking my head and in a whiney voice.)  On Monday I will say okay.  Some people may look and laugh..oh well.  Some people may have woken up strong but I didn’t.  I just plug away at it and if it makes another girl look and think “I can do that too” then that’s even better.

I want to try trail riding again.  A couple of years ago (after decades without riding a bike), we bought bikes and went straight from the store to the one of the more difficult trails in Winston.  I took a tree head-on, landed with the bike on top of me, and laid there laughing (and thankful I wasn’t really hurt).  Before that ride was over, I had crashed again and was “beat-the-hell-up” to say the least but oh my gosh…I had a blast! Now, the weather is beautiful, the bike sits in my garage, and I am in a city where I know few people and know even less about trail riding.  I can avoid any discomfort, let that bike sit there, miss the experience, and miss being outside during this beautiful weather or I have to take the risk of putting myself in a situation where people may make fun of me.  I will chose the experience and say “Forget you… this is my life”.

The tragedy in life is not so much in what we suffer but what we miss. -Thomas Carlyle

one thing that scares you

  2 comments for “Am I Sleepwalking Through Life?

  1. June 18, 2014 at 3:38 am

    Love the truths that you shared, and that you dared to share your vulnerabilities like a champ. It seems it was good for you to help figure yourSelf out, exactly what we all need. I’m curious to hear an update. 😉

    The reason for my email is that if you are interested in doing that and continuing on your pathway, we are interested in talking to you about The BodyProud Network’s ME empowerment initiative.

    Let’s book a time to connect. When is ideal for you within the next couple days? We are good to either do skype or phone.

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