Today I share some insight from a woman I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know.
When I received her message.. I have to say I loved the picture she painted with her words. It was such a beautiful thought and message. It took me a while to think through it and hopefully do it justice.
It seems for any of us that have struggled with realizing there is something we do not like about ourselves, there is blame and self criticizing. Much of this blog may focus on how we became unhappy with our physical appearance/our weight. However, this could easily apply to other aspects of our lives. These feelings can arise possibly if we are not happy with our diet and/or drinking habits; maybe we are not treating our spouse, our family, or our friends as they deserve; maybe we are suffering from poor financial decisions; maybe we are procrastinating about something we know we need to do.. or shorting ourselves and our potential in any way.
Whatever it may be.. one day we see those choices add up and we possibly may not like where we are.. possibly even who we have become. We decide we are going to make a change.. but sometimes we know we attempted it previously and possibly not gotten the results we wanted. Sometimes we find ourselves fighting an uphill battle that is terribly difficult and doesn’t happen quickly enough. And sometimes we then ask ourselves.. Why? Why did I do this? And often we don’t have very nice things to say to ourselves. And ALL of the time.. that is just wrong and we don’t deserve that kind of treatment.
I am not saying not being a certain size or gaining weight is a “mistake”. What I saying, however, is when we find ourselves in a situation in which we are not happy with what we see or what we are doing, there seems to be a need to “blame” ourselves for not being perfect.. instead of showing kindness. Realization of our own humanity brings peace. And with peace, acceptance, and compassion for ourselves, we can appreciate each positive step we take in the right direction; acknowledge that change may be necessary but yet is difficult; celebrate the journey, not hold back until we get to the “destination”; and accept ourselves through each phase.. even the phases where we stumble and get back up.
Enough from me though.. let’s hear what Jeanna has to say!
“I look in the the rear view mirror of my mind and see a happy, healthy, confident, toned and tanned runner who would slip on her size 7 running shorts, sports bra and go out the door for her 6 mile run without a single “does this make me look fat” thought.
Though she appreciated life, she took for granted many things that I cannot do now. I used to hate her for it.
I would look back at her often and get infuriated at the fact she let herself go, though she always said she’d stay in shape. Every yo-yo diet, every fitness quest that failed, every cheat meal would make me hate her more. I blamed her for my muffin top and second guessing outfits.
Three months ago, I decided there was no need for blame. I did not need to forgive myself for getting fat or for “failing” and yo-yoing because it’s all part of my journey.
Instead of being mad at this girl in the rear view, I decided to look forward and focus on the vision of who I want to be tomorrow, in a month, in a year, etc. I am choosing to focus on my ultimate goal to be healthy, happy and fit again. I want to run again and never feel fat in anything ever again!
That decision (to look forward) and letting go of self hate has refueled my passion for fitness. I love Zumba 3-4 times a week and eat healthy. I wear my clothes, I pose for pictures and enjoy that every day I am closer to my ultimate goal!
I look in the mirror and focus on the progress I have made, instead of saying I have a muffin top in these jeans, I say wow I am looking thinner, I can’t wait to see if these jeans will be loose on me next month!
I have a feeling that is different than before: it is confidence, determination and love of ME!
I am proud of the woman who decided this three months ago, though her clothes don’t fit me anymore!”