Coming to Terms: The 50 Blog

This weekend I started a new chapter in my life.. I turned 50. Gasp!!! For much of this year, I saw that date looming and I tried to deny it.  That date was menacing. I fought it.. HARD.  I cried about it. I am not proud but.. yes, I also lied about it.

You know what? That date came anyway.. and thankfully so!!  And when that date arrived, I had not only come to terms with it, but I welcomed it with a whole new level of excitement.

2015 has undoubtedly contained some of the best times of my life and some of the most emotionally trying ones as well.  Scarily emotional.. ones that when they hit, I feared sharing them with anyone because they were dark.. very dark.

I was tormented by that thought of 50 but today, I sit here as a 50 year old woman who is no longer tormented.  A woman who wants to do 50.. my way!

I will be closing the Fitsploration chapter of my life* and beginning a new chapter.. The Beauty and Mayhem one.  That is my life.. a controlled chaos.. it is both beautiful and mayhem.  Let me share a secret.. I will never hit the age in which I have my shit together.  Some days I feel like it is falling apart but yet.. it is a beautiful life!

I wrap up this chapter with the 8+ month prelude to the once dreaded big 5-0!! lol

It began with a pact with 3 friends to do a bikini shoot on 4/25 with the great Ariel Perez.  🙂

For 14 weeks, I was to follow Paul Peterson’s prep plan.  Let me share a little about Paul Peterson’s prep plan.. it is the same thing every day for 14 weeks.. no cheating.  He even takes gum away!  And so it began.. and on 1/12/15, my life revolved around eating the following:
Whey protein shake upon waking
9 am: 4 eggs
11 am: can of tuna, 1/2 avocado, and greens
1 pm: 4 oz chicken, 1/2 avocado, and greens
3:30 pm: modified baked oatmeal (1/2 the oats)
4:30 pm: quest bar and rice cake
7 pm: post workout protein shake
8 pm: 6 oz salmon and greens
Sleep and repeat

The necessities in life go on such as work and training.. but that is pretty much about it!

During this time, I did a fun lifestyle shoot. Once again and as always, it is a blast shooting with Ariel!

Soon, however, my energy was gone.. and at about the 9 week mark, I was spent.  At times I was angry. I was sick of eating the same thing.  I didn’t know what else I wanted but I wanted something else and I was tired.. very tired.  During those times, Taylor ( was a lifesaver.. she gave me guidance and encouragement and tips on getting through.  Enter my new favorite friend during this period.. Netflix. lol Thank goodness for this new discovery because I had alienated many others during this time.  My energy and feeding schedule left little for anything besides eating, working, training, and sleeping.

And once again, Ariel did not disappoint and we all had a great time doing this shoot!  These ladies worked hard preparing for the shoot and it showed!  Thank you all!!

I vowed to be in the best shape of my life heading into my 50’s.  Thank you Paul Peterson for channeling Militant Paul and pushing me. And everyone else who not only put up with me, but supported me during this time when I was not so pleasant. This was one of the most fulfilling experiences I have had and I look forward to doing it again!!

The next months were the dark ones and when I truly had to come to terms.. with many things.  I had the post-goal let-down.. a “Now What?” Syndrome”.  I had surgery and my body could not do what it had been doing. It was also then that I realized I had alienated many of my friends.  And it was a time when I had much time to think about what all I had to show for my life.. and often think it was pathetic.

This. Is. My. Life. This is my life.  Is it pathetic or is it a beautiful?  What the hell do I do with it?  Is it worth-while?  Have I wasted it?  Do I matter?  Just.. WHAT in general.  What.. What.. What.  What keeps me alive?  What am I here for?  What have I done?  What have I not done? What am I doing? What am I waiting for???

And I turned that corner..

I am no longer letting life pass me by.  I know what I love and I know what I want to spend my time doing.

I know better what I am.. and what I am not.  And I know that I am ecstatic about my 50’s.  If these months, weeks, and past few days are any indication of the next phase, it is going to be fantastic.  I cannot redo 30.. or 40.. I can only do 50.  And I can do it the best I can.. my rules.. my life.

I hope you join me for Beauty & Mayhem!  I am so excited for this new endeavor!! My fitness journey will continue.  My fitness life is the catalyst to the person I have become.  The transformation that occurs is not physical.  It is about discovering a person who is capable of so much.  It is in this journey, that I learned to believe in what I once thought was not possible.  I want to incorporate that as a part of bigger and better things!  The best IS yet to come!!

*In the transformation of Fitsploration (because transformation is what it has always been), I would like to hear if there are people who would like to keep this as a community blog.  I know some people who have amazing transformation stories.  These should be captured!!

**Check out Shenna at Tough Cupcake Fitness on Facebook.. Let her help whip you into shape!

***And.. Ariel Perez Photography for all your photography needs!


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